Hit Like a Girl
by Hollyn Okumura
Summary: After a visit to the hidden portions of Arthur's house and a heated argument with said Brit afterwards, Alfred awakes the following morning... not quite himself... [[UKxFem!US (not quite nyo!US though if that makes sense)/Human names/completely unrealistic]]
1. Chapter 1

**Ok guys. Hopefully you'll find this to be humorous. You see, I just had a wonderfully crack-tastic chat with my friend, Hayden, her being Arthur, me being Alfred. This deviates from the chat a lot though from the moment Arthur can't get the door open. I'm not sure if this is just... weird enough to be considered, "cracky" but I was feeling up to writing something funny at midnight tonight and this was produced. Hopefully you guys won't hate me for writing this. XD**

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Alfred yawned and rolled over in discomfort only to make himself considerably more uncomfortable. The pressure on his chest made him roll back onto his back and sit up, stretching a little bit. He looked around in the darkness of the too and saw that Arthur wasn't next to him like he usually was. Then he remembered. They'd gotten into an argument the night before.

When the two had been at Arthur's house so he could work, Alfred had curiously wandered around his house, careful not to bother him. He found a room, blocked off, sort of hidden and entered it. It had been dark in the room and since he couldn't find a light switch or lamp, he used his phone to look around, check out some old looking books. Most of the books appeared to be in other languages and he attempted to read and understand them but he found that completely useless.

When Arthur found him poking around this secret room, he'd been pretty angry and Alfred's curious prying hadn't helped. Therefore they wound up arguing and Arthur slept on the couch.

Alfred stood, snagged Texas from the nightstand, and shuffled his way to the bathroom, rubbing his eyes with his sleeve which was unusually drooped over his hand, as it was too long for his arm. He slid into the darkened bathroom and flicked on the lights, blinking rapidly at the sudden change in lighting. While he let his eyes adjust, still blinking several times in the process, he slid his glasses on and stared in the mirror, sleepily. At first every thing was fine. His hair looked a little bit longer than usual… but that was probably just the bedhead and- wait…

Alfred squinted at his reflection and raised his hands up to his chest, giving it a quick glance. Boobs. What? Where did those come from? WHAT?! He felt his chest for a minute, just to make sure he was awake and this was real. Why did he have boobs? They weren't there before he went to bed, so… how… how did he get them?! He gaped down at his chest. This wasn't right. In fact, this was HORRIBLY wrong. He was a man, not a woman! He shouldn't have boobs! He pulled down the collar of his blue, long-sleeved, t-shirt a little and poked at them. Yup… They were real alright. But… How… What? Then it occurred to him… He didn't feel Florida's familiar precedence between his legs… Oh! He didn't even want to see. He could save himself the trouble of checking for sure until he needed to go to the bathroom or shower. Whichever came first.

"WHAT THE CRAP IS HAPPENING?!" He suddenly burst, eyes widening as a voice that sounded foreign to him erupted from his vocal chords. He clamped his hand over his mouth. What happened to his voice? It sounded like it had jumped up an octave or something. He… She pressed his… her back against the wall. What was going on? Why was he a woman? He (we'll stick with he, even though he's technically a she) felt his face. It seemed a little thinner, his neck more slender. This wasn't right… Maybe this was a mistake. He was in his house. He could've switched bodies with someone! Yes! That was probably it! Just like in the movies!

"Alfred, are you alright in there? Do you have a woman with you?" Came that amazing British accent through the door. "I didn't think you were awake yet…" He said after he didn't receive an answer. He had been making breakfast… well cereal and fruit… simply because it was even more likely something would catch fire if he tried cooking in someone else's kitchen. Then he'd heard Alfred… Or… not Alfred… He couldn't be sure. When he went into the bedroom and found the bathroom door closed, light peeking around and out, he'd assumed that's where his American lover had gone.

The Brit waited for an answer. He was a bit concerned as it was unlike Alfred not to answer him…

"Oh I get it… You aren't talking to me. Giving me the silent treatment."

Alfred didn't say anything. He was having a full blown panic attack, eyes as wide as saucers, almost shaking as he was pretty overwhelmed at what had apparently happened. He just hoped it was all a dream. What would Arthur think? Would he reject him if he saw? How would Alfred get back to normal? So many questions swamped his mind. He hadn't been ready for such a shock this morning.

"If it's an apology you want, I'm sorry I got mad at you. I was just a little… well, I don't like when people are snooping around my house… I suppose it's hypocritical of me, asking you for an honest relationship and then locking away parts of my house… You understand though, right? You still have things you keep to yourself." Arthur paused. He'd been thinking about his apology all morning. "I really shouldn't have yelled I know it made you upset… but could you please not ignore me? I made you breakfast… er well… kind of."

The American was unable to focus on Arthur's apology. Alfred didn't even care what he was saying at this point.

"Can you at least let me know you're ok?"

"I'm fine," Alfred muttered, his voice muffled by his arm.

"Alfred, is that your voice?"

Crap. He noticed. "Yes, I'm just…" He stopped and coughed. "My throat's just… off today, man." Yeah that's what it was. His throat wasn't feeling good today. He heard a sigh from the other side of the door.

"I do hope you haven't come down with something. Can I have a look?"

"No! You can't come in! I don't want you to catch it! Hahahaha," he laughed half-heartedly, breaking into a series of fake coughs.

"Alfred, that's nice of you really, but I should to make sure it's not something too dreadfully serious. If it makes you more comfortable I'll put a mask on over my mouth and nose so I can't catch anything." Arthur turned the knob on the door and pushed it open slightly only to have it slammed shut in his face as Alfred threw his body against it.

"NO!"

And that's what provoked Arthur to further poke and prod at Alfred for answers. "Alfred something's wrong. I can tell."

"No there isn't! Really! There's no need to worry… I'm just getting water and… can you… do me a favor and get me something?" he asked, pressing himself against the wooden door.

"Yes, dear. What can I get you?" Arthur asked. That was it. When he retrieved whatever it was Alfred wanted, he'd pull the door open! Yes, brilliant plan. Alfred was definitely hiding something, and not that this was his only reason, but Alfred had invaded his privacy by entering prohibited rooms in his house, even after he'd warned him not to.

"My bomber jacket. I think it's… hanging on the edge of my closet door."

Arthur turned and retrieved it from the closet door and returned. "Alright, I've got it."

Alfred opened the door just enough to slip his arm out. Thank goodness the sleeves covered them completely down to the fingertips because this weird change transformed pretty much every part of him to a her. He darted his hand out, gripped the jacket and tried yanking it back in the bathroom as Arthur tried jerking the door open, which didn't work. Alfred's strength hadn't left him.

"I'll be out in a minute, dude, just… gimme a sec to get myself together."

Arthur agreed to this. "I'll be in the kitchen, just come out when you're ready to eat."

"Okay," Alfred sighed, standing back up. The blue-eyed blonde gazed into the mirror. His hair really hadn't changed much. It had lengthened a bit. There didn't seem to be scissors around at the moment so cutting it wouldn't work. He pulled it back and tucked it into the back of his bomber jacket as he slipped it on. It was still pretty noticeable.

"Crap," Alfred muttered. Crapcrapcrapcrap. He'd need an excuse. Maybe it was a wig… that was left here… at a Halloween party? Arthur would probably go on a lecture about how it could have lice or something.

"I'm not gonna be able to hide this very long," Alfred whispered to himself. "Or maybe not at all." He opened the door to the bathroom and could hear Arthur back in the kitchen. There was a sudden noise as if some dishes fell on each other and it sounded like Arthur had jumped and hit the cabinet door, making a thud noise.

Alfred crept across to the closet where he found a hoodie. He took off his bomber jacket and pulled on the hoodie and then put the jacket back on. He pushed all his hair back in the hoodie and then zipped it up and pulled the bomber jacket, mostly closed. He looked in the mirror over his dresser and he looked ridiculous, and even with those layers, his chest was now large enough that it was still pretty noticeable. Trying to conceal them more he crossed his arms tightly. Definitely suspicious but nothing was working.

He snuck to the door and could spot Arthur cleaning a counter. "Pssst! Arthur!" Alfred hissed.

Arthur looked up and dropped the rag in the sink, going to the bedroom door. "Alfred what are you wearing?"

"I was cold… might be a part of um… whatever I have… I think you should go home," he said, keeping his voice with a whisper.

"I'm not going to just leave you here if you're sick." Alfred just stared at him and Arthur stared right back. The American was sure Arthur had noticed something, maybe a flaw in his cover up because of this scrutinization but after a moment, Arthur spoke again. "Fine. You win. Just come out and eat the breakfast I made you first. Then I won't intrude or make you do anything but I do think you should make a visit to a doctor about your throat. And I want you to call me afterward."

Alfred stood to his full height and let out a relieved sigh, walking out. "Kay dude, whatever you sa-" He was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

"That's strange… Alfred, you seem to have gotten shorter." Crap. His height changed too?! He hadn't even noticed that!

"N-no," Alfred stuttered, trying to think of something as he was spun around. "I'm just slumping. Tch."

"Don't do that. It's bad for your back," Arthur replied. Alfred, in attempt to listen, pushed himself up to a higher height, but still came up an inch or two shorter than he originally was. Arthur narrowed his green eyes, furrowing his bushy eyebrows. "Why are you holding your arms like that?"

"I'm cold. I told you."

"Alfred it is probably 23 degrees in here and you're wearing… two jackets and a shirt."

"Yeah. Twenty-three degrees. That's like below freezing."

Arthur sighed. "No, 23 degrees Celsius. I believe that's approximately 75 degrees in Fahrenheit. It really isn't that cold. Now is there something wrong with your skin or something that you're trying to hide? I promise I won't be put off. I want you to be able to share anything with me."

Alfred sighed after a while, "You won't laugh?" He rose an eyebrow.

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**This probably won't be a very long fic, maybe a few chapters...**

**Erm... I apologize for any and all typos/errors. I'll fix 'em later when I get the chance.**

**Also, now that you've read it. I know that there's nyo!America and all that... but I dunno. I feel like she's different than how America would be if he woke up one morning and discovered he had boobs and Florida was missing. So yeah...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ugh. I feel like this is a crappy chapter and slightly more crappy than the first. I just didn't want Arthur to find out just yet so I threw this together in thirty minutes at one in the morning.**

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"I swear it."

Alfred took a deep breath but then froze as someone outside knocked on their door. Alfred was the first to return to looking at the other. "Can you go see who that is?" He asked.

Arthur reluctantly gave a nod and went to the door. Alfred stood there for a moment, still and listening. "What?! What are you doing here, frog?!" He barely caught the sound of the Frenchman's voice uttering something… "No! You cannot. Alfred and I are busy, now be gone, you floppy Frenchman!"

Alfred listened to their bickering a bit longer before taking off to the back of the house. As quietly as he could, he hurried to the back door, just as he heard the front door slam shut. Go faster! He slipped out the screened door and let it shut as Arthur called his name. He hurried to the side of the house and then to the front where he ran head on into Francis, knocking him back slightly.

"Francis!" Alfred blurted, before slapping a hand over his mouth. He stared at him wide-eyed for a minute. Then Alfred followed the now taller man's gaze to his chest. No. Crap… At least it wasn't Arthur. Alfred wasn't sure why he didn't want Arthur to see what happened. He did trust the Brit and they were dating, but… for some reason Alfred felt that he'd be angry. He had lied about not touching any of his stuff to avoid any more arguing the previous night… "I can explain, but do you think you can like- drive me somewhere or something?" Maybe he could fix it… or find a better way to hide it if he had some time… And as much as he hated to admit it… Maybe Francis could be of use for once.

"You can't take your own car?" Francis smirked.

"It is I just… left my keys inside," he sighed.

"I suppose. Honhon. Allons-y." Francis got in the driver's side of the car.

"Thanks dude, I totally owe ya one!" Alfred got in the other side and waited as Francis slowly began pulling out of the driveway. That's when Alfred spotted the front door opening. He didn't waste anytime in ducking out of view of frustrated Arthur.

A few moments passed as they left the area and Francis spoke. "Now, tell me why you're suddenly so… feminine, s'il vous plaît, Alfred? Or… Alfreda?" Francis asked, smirking a little.

Alfred narrowed his eyes at him, but continued on to explain to him in detail what was going. It was weird opening up to Francis like that and by no means was Alfred comfortable with it, but at this point, he really just needed to talk about it.

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After a few hours of making a few stops for food, buying a hat and some things to manage Alfred's slightly longer hair, and just driving, Francis pulled into an empty parking lot, into the shade of building.

"What're we stopping here for?" Alfred asked.

"I spotted Angleterre at the pastry shop. You wanted to avoid him, non?"

"Oh well… for now yeah."

"We'll wait for him to leave."

"What do you think he's here for? You think he's looking for me?"

"Non. He seemed to just be taking a break."

Alfred nodded and decided to get out and stretch, soon joined by Francis. The American took a deep breath and then leaned on the brick wall they parked right behind. Francis did the same as he, but got uncomfortably close. Alfred shot him a glance, as he then stepped in front of Alfred.

"You do realize this is an unusual opportunity for you, oui? Peut-être, you should make the most of it while it lasts."

"What do you mean?" Alfred asking, growing a little more comfortable.

"You said you owed me, did you not? Honhonhon~"

"D-dude! No way! We can't do that! I can't just cheat on Arthur like that- and" Alfred began speaking quicker as Francis tried wrapping an arm around his waist. "We're in public!" Alfred said, shoving his arm away.

"Shhh, it will be fine, Alfreda~ You're too loud. If you really don't want it… I can stop. I don't wish to force you… but it would be so much fun, non?" Francis reached for the zipper on Alfred's bomber jacket and played with it.

"No," A third voice said. Alfred and Francis both turned to see Arthur standing there. "You, away from him!" Arthur moved forward to step between them. Alfred pulled the cap little over his face and crossed his arms again. "Alfred, have you been with him this whole time?"

The blue-eyed American gave a little nod and lowered his head. Arthur let out a frustrated sort of sigh.

"I'll take my leave now. Desolé, I couldn't be more of a help… Alfreda~ Au revoir!" Francis spoke as he backed up to his car and got inside, backing out. There was an awkward silence.

Arthur watched as Francis left and then turned his gaze to Alfred before lowering his stare to the ground and rubbing his forehead. "Alfred… won't you please tell me what's going on? I love you and… I want you to be able to trust me." Alfred kept quiet. "Please, Alfred dear, something's wrong I know. You were so close earlier to telling me…" The two remained in silence. "Fine. We don't need to talk here I suppose but I would appreciate if you considered telling me at home. I don't know why you aren't talking to me… If it was something that frog said…"

Alfred shook his head and shifted uncomfortably. He did want to say something, but his voice could maybe give him away, so he remained silent.

"Well I want you to know whatever it is you're hiding I won't laugh, or be mad… if it was something to do with Francis… or anything!" Arthur held out a hand for Alfred to take. He did and then Arthur stepped forward, giving Alfred a quick kiss. Alfred, nervous about how close Arthur was, backed away slightly to avoid any other contact for now. He couldn't keep running from it like this though and he wouldn't be able to for much longer.

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**XP And there you go. I feel like I made France like really OOC but I dunno. This was weird. I promise the next chapter'll be better in quality and in character.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Short lil' chappie here in which I mess with the POVs a lot. Happy late Easter and Happy April Fool's! XD**

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Arthur's POV

I wasn't sure why Alfred wasn't talking to me. I'd long ruled out the option there was something wrong with his throat. He was talking to that frog after all, he was loud and I'd heard him. His voice had sounded different, though I'm not sure how. I still recognized it as his but something just seemed… off. On top of that, he was acting so strange and secretive. Francis seemed to know what was going on though. Why'd he tell that stupid cheese-eater what was wrong and not me? I promised him I wouldn't get mad or laugh but I honestly don't know what to expect at the moment.

And what was that 'Alfreda' stuff about? Was that frog giving my boyfriend nicknames? Or not nicknames because Alfreda is longer than Alfred… And why something like Alfreda? That sounded sort of feminine… But leave it to Francis to come up with something like that for my Alfred. But why was he apologizing that he couldn't help? Well Francis is weird so I suppose that might not mean much…

I glanced over at Alfred who was leaning his head against the window, arms crossed over his chest. We were approaching the road to his home, and when we reached those crossroads, I continued straight rather than going right.

I saw Alfred sit up and look around out of my peripheral vision. He'd noticed I turned the wrong way and I was keeping on the wrong road, just waiting for him to question me. If I could get him talking then maybe I could coax him into telling me what was wrong.

Alfred's POV

Arthur passed the road he needs to take to my house… So where were we going? Why was he driving straight? Was this a ploy to get me to talk? Did he suspect something? Was he trying to hear my voice? I looked up and around, trying to get him to notice my confusion. If he saw my confusion and didn't say anything that would confirm my theory on him trying to get me to talk.

Only too bad for me, because if he did notice, I couldn't tell. So, just assuming that's what he wanted me to do was talk, I leaned back and returned my gaze out the window. He didn't say anything and kept his eyes on the road.

It wasn't long until we pulled into a McDonald's. What were we doing here?

"Alfred, I'm not sure if you've eaten yet, but I'm guessing you're still probably hungry," Arthur said. I watched him, suspiciously and nodded, just because I'm always kinda hungry. "So, I'll get you whatever you want from here." Oh that's what he was doing. "If you just talk to me."

Wow. Arthur stooping to bribery with food to get me to talk to him? He must be either like really curious or totally worried or something… I sorta just wanted to talk to him to make him stop worrying- if he was, that is.

"You don't even have to talk to me in the car if you don't want to, I just at least want to be sure you'll tell me when we get home."

I let out a sigh and nodded, giving in.

Arthur's POV

Yes! I knew those greasy fast foods would win him over. I hadn't been completely sure that he would tell me at home so I turned my failed attempt to get him to speak into a way to assure that he'd talk with me! Brilliant.

"So what do you want?" I asked him. He didn't answer. "A burger? Two burgers?" He seemed to be waiting for me to just list a bunch of stuff so he could nod in response. "Three burgers?" He nodded. "What kind?" He just shrugged so I took that as a, 'whatever'.

I ordered him some burgers, a thing of fries, and a milkshake. I didn't get anything for myself because the last thing I need is to put a bunch of junk in my body.

Alfred munched away on his trash food the entire way home. He even finished it before we reached his driveway. "Hop out, and take your trash inside to throw away if you're finished." Alfred nodded and did as he said. "I'll be inside in a moment."

Third Person POV

Alfred walked inside, throwing his trash away in the kitchen's trashcan. He let out a yawn and then went to lie on the couch. He unzipped part of his bomber jacket and necked inside to see if he still had boobs. He did and he poked at them curiously. Knowing Arthur would be inside soon, he zipped his jacket back up and then pulled a cushion under his head, grabbing for the remote and flicking the TV on to entertain himself while he waited for Arthur.

Arthur came in a few minutes later and turned around after shutting the door. He approached Alfred on the sofa but stopped, blinking.

"Alfred, what's with your jacket?" He asked. Alfred looked down and quickly covered the visible lumps on his chest with his arms. "What do you have hidden in your jacket?" Arthur asked him. After a moment of silence, "Come on, you said you'd talk to me if I got you food." Arthur walked over and pulled his arms away, Alfred just letting him do so and not saying anything.

Arthur unzipped the bomber jacket and then tilted his head, completely confused. "That's funny Alfred it looks like… you have breasts?" Arthur said, not really sounding as if he was finding it funny at all. Now this time, Arthur poked at Alfred's boobs. "What's wrong with your… chest?"

"I'm not sure… I… turned into a girl I think…"

"Alfred- that doesn't make any sense! How could you have-" Arthur stopped.

"You went through my spell books. You must've read them out loud. Did you?" Alfred was quiet. "Alfred," Arthur said sternly.

"I… Well I was trying to see if I could pronounce the words… but…" Alfred paused for a minute, watching Arthur.

"So what does this mean? You're a girl. Is your… Florida… gone? Er… um… different?"

Alfred nodded. "Yeah…"


End file.
